The outlook for consumer spending in the coming months grew dimmer Thursday after big retailers stumbled in April, their sales hurt by rising gasoline prices and the weak housing market.
Oh wait - they did make that up.
What - not the weather? Ahhh - the weather caused the housing slowdown which caused the retail slowdown, stupid, stupid seasonality - it.just.isn't.right.
How about the "early Easter" argument- where is the "early Easter" argument - damn Easter bunny anyway - people just weren't ready to buy chocolate covered marshmallow eggs in March - it.just.isn't.right.
Stupid gasoline prices just suddenly went up in the first quarter - boom - just like that and nobody expected it - it.just.isn't.right.
How about this for a story - there ain't nothin' in the stupid stores that anyone wants to buy - It isn't a lack of money folks - the stock market goes up and up and up every day and the only thing that can possibly make that happen is - money. So maybe, just maybe, now that everybody has four flat screen liquid crystal televisions sets not counting the one in the refrigerator door and or the one in the bathroom over the commode, two cars in every garage and three parked in the driveway and at the curb, all of the electrical appliances they can possibly cram into the McMansion, a couple of razor phones, three ipods, and a robotic partridge in a faux-pear tree - there just isn't anything left to buy. How do I know - Sharper Image can't give away their Ionic Breeze Machines and that, my dear readers, is the absolute bottom of the barrel for useless gadgets.
And that's just about right.